the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
