You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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