She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
