He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
