How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
