dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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