This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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