I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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