you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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