i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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