i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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