just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
