just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
