i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The ass gains better be worth it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
