Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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