i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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