i was born a porn star she said
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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