This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
