that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
