I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
