This girl is more easily done than said...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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