i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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