Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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