I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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