careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Two words: blizzard sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
