Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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