You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
