I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
