That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
