The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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