So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
