I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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