I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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