dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
