This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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