you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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