I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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