i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
home. puking in laundry basket.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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