And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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