Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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