I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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