based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
