i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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