I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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