woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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