How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
