he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
