I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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