Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
