also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
