Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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