..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
